The warnings about jelly bracelets are back.

Following waves of schools before them, administrators at the Angevine Middle School in Lafayette, CO have made it clear that the thin stretchy colored bands, first popularized by Madonna in the 1980s, are not welcome on school property.

Why? Because it came to the attention of teachers that the different colors on the bracelets signaled different levels of sexual activity in which the student was willing to engage.

According to the various websites where jelly bracelets are discussed, the girls wear them and the boy who breaks them can claim his “prize” based on the color code: yellow is a hug, purple is a kiss, blue is oral sex and black is intercourse. There are more (and they get more graphic) but you get the idea.

I would be appalled at this game, and I would applaud attempts to ban the bracelets, if I thought the threat was real. But what has just come to the attention of administrators at Angevine has been wandering the Internet for years.

In an extensive analysis on Snopes.com — the website dedicated to examining urban legends — Barbara Mikkelson likens the jelly rumors to the beer and soda tab lore of 30 years ago, when it was said that a broken pull tab could be exchanged for a kiss and an unbroken one could be traded for sex. (They also remind me of the “rainbow party” rumors a few years ago, where girls supposedly wore different colored lipstick to leave multicolored rings after oral sex, which turned out to be urban legends, too.)

Then, like now, Mikkelson writes, there was no reason to believe that kids were actually compelling each other to provide sexual favors on the basis of a can tab or a broken bracelet (which, she points out, are darn hard to break.) She writes:

We’ve heard from hundreds of folks. The adults who’ve written almost always say their kids are never going to wear those bracelets again. On the other hand, almost without exception, the middle- and high-school kids from all across the US express shock that the adults would think they were actually obeying this “code” and disappointment in their elders for failing to understand the bracelets are no more than a cool fashion accessory that has attracted a silly rumor.
That is what students seem to have told administrators at Angevine Middle School too. “It’s turned out that a lot of the kids, especially the girls, wear them as fashion statements,” Briggs Gamblin, a spokesman for the school district, told my colleague Dan Frosch this weekend, “and some were adamant they didn’t have any connotation.” And of the dozens of websites I clicked through while researching the bracelets, every one of them talked about how ridiculous the rumors were, or how worried parents were, but none seriously promoted the code.

What is serious, though, is that the bracelets have young children talking about sex, possibly in ways they don’t yet understand. As Mikkelson notes, “one way the pull tab beliefs differ from the ‘sex bracelets’ code is the age of the participants; the rumor of thirty years ago was circulated mainly in high schools, but today’s version is moving through grade and middle schools.”

So maybe the lesson here is not to ban the bracelets in the classroom, but rather to talk to our children at home?

Original Story: parenting.blogs.nytimes.com

Not only is it extremely important to know where to find condoms and other forms of birth control, it is vital to know how to use them properly.  This article will explain, in graphic detail, how to correctly use condoms as well as a few other things.  The first to be discussed will be the latex condom.  Ejaculate, aka, “cum” is expelled from the male body at approximately 25 miles per hour; men and women need to realize that a condom is meant to “catch” semen coming out at the speed of a slow moving Ford Focus and take the proper precautions.  Let’s do this in steps:
Check the expiration date.  Condoms are like milk and eggs: you never want to use them past their expiration date.
Use your fingers to push the condom down and carefully tear the package open.
Make sure that you’re putting the condom on the “right” way.  They only roll on one way.  If you attempt to put it on and do it the wrong way, you must throw it away.  You’ve gotten pre-ejaculate, aka “pre-cum” on the outside and defeated the purpose of wearing it.
Pinch the tip!!!!  This is where the speed of the ejaculate comes into play.  You must pinch the reservoir tip to give the semen a place to go.  If there is air in the tip, the semen will push it out at 25 mph and the condom will most likely break.
Change the condom for each separate act of vaginal, anal, or oral sex.
When you are finished, throw the condom in the trash, not the toilet.  Unless you want the condoms to clog the toilet, back it up and cause a “condom flood,” throw them in the trash.
A side note: if you plan to use lubrication, use water based lube. It will say “water-based” right on the packaging.  If it is not water based, it will dissolve the latex, leading to a broken condom.  A list of Unacceptable lubrication: Vaseline, shampoo, lotion, cooking oil (you’re not making chicken), chocolate syrup, and basically anything else that does not say “water-based” on the package.  The only exception is silicone based lubrication.  This is excellent lubrication for any type of birth control, it’s just more expensive.
There are three other types of condoms that will be discussed.  First, flavored condoms; these are perfect for oral sex, although they can be used for vaginal and anal sex as well.  Second are “plus-sized” condoms for the man who is blessed with a larger than average penis.  These should not be used by men who only think they have a large penis but actually do not.  This can lead to missing condoms lost inside of their partners.  The Third is the polyisoprene condom.  This is the condom that should only be used by someone with a latex allergy; they’re not as reliable as latex condoms.
Female condoms are up next.  They’re not made of latex, which has its pros and cons.  They’re not as pliable as latex condoms, but you’re not restricted to using water based lubrication.  They’re also a nice comeback to the man who tries to talk you out of using a latex condom or for someone who’s allergic to latex.  They can be used for both vaginal and anal sex, which is great for gay men as well as women.
Now for “dental dams;” these are usually flavored sheets of latex to be placed over the vulva, aka external vaginal area, or the anal area.  They are used as protection for both cunnilingus and “rimming” and are ideal for those who suffer from genital herpes or genital warts.  To make using these more pleasurable, put water based lubrication on the side of the dam that will be touching the skin and go to town.

Original Story: examiner.com

When it comes to men and sex, I’ve noticed that special requests usually come along the lines of an instant upgrade: if I’m giving a hand job, they ask for a blowjob, and if I’m giving a blowjob, well, why not full-on sex? That’s simple enough for me to handle if it makes sexytime shine.

But we’re all about equality here at The Frisky and it wouldn’t be very egalitarian of us to hinthintHINT to our dudes with our 10 Things Men Forget To Do During Sex list without engaging in a little self-improvement ourselves. After the jump, we asked a few men—who, let it be known, all said “Don’t forget to touch our balls!”—to help us out.

1. Vocalize your enjoyment! Listening to a woman bellow in ecstasy “I’m……COOOOOOOMING!” is as good, if not better, than the sex itself.

2. …but don’t forget that other people in house/apartment nearby will hear you, especially if he is awkward about that sort of thing.

3. NO. TEETH. (What are you, 18? You should know that by now, really.)

4. Offering to let him come on your face will make his friggin’ day. If that’s too porn-y for you, let him come on your chest instead.

5. That slow, gentle, tender sex you’re having? It’s probably for your benefit, not his.

“Guys love the express train 90 percent of the time, so get off the local!”
Maybe just be clear that there should be a fast sex/slow sex balance in the relationship, lest he think you like the jackhammering as much as he does.

6. Men don’t only love penis massages—they love back and shoulder massages, too. Making him come then rolling him over and mounting his butt to administer a back massage is a lovely way to bring on A Post-Coital Man Nap.

7. Wait to hop in the shower and wash all that dirty, dirty sex off.

“Come back to bed after you’re done warding off a UTI in the loo when we’re finished—there’s nothing like savoring the moment.”
Aww, they get lonely when we leave them in bed by themselves!

8. Boys have nipples, too, and sometimes, they can be very sensitive. His junk isn’t the only place he wants you to kiss!

9. Assume your guy’s anus is feeling neglected, too.

“Don’t forget that some guys like a pinkie in the ass.”
He just might be too embarrassed to ask for it, so let your fingers wander and see what happens.

10. Get out of the bedroom.

“Women forget to have sex anywhere other than in bed without guidance.”
I think this means he likes to do it in the shower?

Original Story:  thefrisky.com

In the past, this pleasurable practice was associated with feelings of fear, guilt, and misconceptions. These attitudes still exist today. Did you know that most individuals, even when in a sexual relationship, masturbate on occasion?
It is important to note that for some there are many conflicting and ambivalent feelings associated to the thought and knowledge of their partner engaging in masturbation when they are not around. These feelings may include jealousy, revulsion (especially if masturbation is perceived as dirty and immoral), insecurity, anger, as well as the feeling that one’s partner is cheating. Such feelings can affect one’s self-esteem, lead to conflict and even a break-up. Should you have any such feelings and you feel it is having a serious impact on you and your relationship, it would be a good to discuss it with a therapist.

The age at which we discover that touching certain parts of our body gives us pleasure is different from individual to individual. Many believe that masturbation is a naturally learned behaviour. Not true. Some fall upon it accidentally, through some form of physical activity, rubbing themselves on objects such as stuffed animals… If the person was not prepared and it is unexpected, it can cause surprise and even upset. Others set out to explore and masturbate after hearing others speak about this mysterious phenomenon, or on the advice of a friend. First attempts are often awkward and unproductive.

Masturbation can have several aims, it feels good, it is a sexual release, and understanding what feels good empowers you with self-knowledge, providing you with very intimate facts you can share with your partner. Everyone is distinct in what is sexually arousing, and men and women differ in the general way they masturbate.
Male masturbation:
In general men’s masturbation centres on the penis. They may rub their penis against their body with one hand or two. They may choose to roll it between their palms as they move their hands up and down along the shaft of the penis. Others will thrust their pelvis on something like a pillow.

The actual stroking technique of the penis may differ. It may go from a very gentle caress to a strong hold, from a slow pace to a very quick motion. Most often, as a man gets close to orgasm his movements become more rapid. However, when he actually ejaculates, most will slow down dramatically, or even stop any stimulation of the penis. The gland being very sensitive at orgasm makes further stimulation unpleasant (this is often the case with women as well).

Saliva, soap (in the bath or shower), oil, cream … can be used as a lubricant to permit smooth movement along the shaft. Some enjoy the use of a vibrator, or stimulate their anus and nipples while masturbating (yes, I did say anus and nipples).

Certain men tend to focus their energy on orgasm when masturbating (this can take as little as 2 to 3 minutes), while others take a slower approach. Quick can be practical when time is limited, however this prepares you little for sex with a partner. Rushing through does not usually lead to mutual sexual gratification. Taking one’s time not only extends the pleasure but may also intensify it.
Female masturbation:
Women on the other hand differ greatly in the ways they choose to masturbate. It may range from stimulation of the clitoral area, the clitoris itself, the entire mons area (region over the pubic bone) rather than the clitoris alone (the clitoris is extremely sensitive, making direct stimulation over a period of time uncomfortable). They may use their hands, an object, or a vibrator… Often direct stimulation of the clitoris involves a circular, up and down or side-to-side movement. Masturbation may also involve pulling on the inner lips, moving a finger in and out of the vagina, stimulating the G-spot or the vaginal entrance without penetration… Rarely is penetration alone used to masturbate.

Women may masturbate by squeezing and contracting the thigh muscles, pelvic thrusts against something, cross their legs and contract their muscles, stimulate their breasts, and fantasize.

Unlike men, many women continue to stimulate their clitoral area during and after orgasm. Also, the female sexual response is usually slower than that of the man’s while masturbating (and even longer during intercourse, possibly due to a lack of direct stimulation).

Masturbation has for a long time been perceived as an individual practice. The reality is that many individuals have a certain level of discomfort associated to the thought of being watched while masturbating, however it is often considered very stimulating to a partner. This knowledge can be shared and use to guide your partner. Also, if birth control is not available, mutual masturbation can go a long way in providing pleasure for both you and your partner. It is a viable alternative to intercourse.

Masturbation, once achieved with comfort and know-how can be a very exciting part of a couples’ sexual interactions.

There is a negative side to masturbation. It is when it becomes obsessive (recurrent and persistent ideas, thoughts, impulses, or images) or compulsive (repetitive, purposeful, and intentional in response to an obsession) in nature. That is when the behaviour feels out of control. Your life revolves around the when, where and how you are going to masturbate, causing marked distress and leaving little time and room for anything else. If you believe any of this describes you, it would help to discuss it with a professional. There is a way out.

Original Story:  westmountexaminer.com

Have been promising you all another column strictly dedicated to reviewing a sex toy. I haven’t been trying to shirk my duty as your dating /sexual guinea pig; it’s just that these things take time.
You may think, Loyal Reader, that my experience as a sex and relationship columnist gives me the confidence to fearlessly jump into any type o sex toy situation. This is not a correct assumption.
Part of the reason it’s taken me so long to publish this review is…well, the fact that it’s a toy. You see, I’m old fashioned. And this sex toy in particular looked kind of scary. It’s called The Velvet Curve, which for some reason makes me think of an early 60’s song about someone romantically driving their car on a forbidden road and then dying dramatically in a fiery crash…like “he hit the brakes, he tried to swerve, but he couldn’t get away, from that …Velvet Curve….da ba! Da da dah!”

When I initially got the Velvet Curve, I simply carried it around in my purse with me for about a week and a half. I then placed it on my coffee table one night as I had a glass of wine. Finally I allowed it to lie quietly beside me as I was sleeping. I’m sure this particular sex toy could have had its way with me much sooner had it just paid for shots at the first bar we went to, but I like to think it was patient, focusing on the possibility of a long-term relationship.

Part of my fear of the Velvet Curve came from it’s strange shape—it’s slightly longer than my hand (I have long fingers and overall what an ex boyfriend liked to call “man-hands” until he recently emailed me with that clever moniker and only stopped after I asked him how his itty-bitty ball sack was doing), and it’s flat on the end, and kind of goes up, like a shallow soup spoon. I would show you a picture, but it’s come to my attention that the Examiner is a conservative site and I can’t post pictures of sex toys, even if they look like innocent pink dolphins, so a link will have to do.

I was also having performance anxiety. The lady who threw the Passion Party , where I obtained the Velvet Curve, had told us that all females were capable of ejaculating and most females could ejaculate up to two pints. I was drinking sangria at the time, but I’m pretty sure that’s what she said, because I have “Two PINTS?!!?!” written down in my notes from the party.  I was worried that I would try the Velvet Curve and end up being the only woman in the world who couldn’t ejaculate, and be forced to hide my shame with excess KY Liquid and water gun.

So I decided to do some research on female ejaculation. Unfortunately the first person I talked to had recently realized that they could in fact ejaculate. This was no good! I decided to turn to the internet. ***

I did my research off of Wikipedia, which in normal cases is not that great for solid research but in this case was fine, as no one knows much about the entire process anyway. It states that anywhere from 10-69% or 39-50% of females can ejaculate, and that no one really knows how much they are ejaculating specifically. To further research, I read Bonk (good book) and the author said much the same thing about the subject. Nowhere does anyone mention anything about two pints.

I went to dinner with a friend last night and mentioned the fact that it’s mildly disturbing that we know all about what’s in a guy’s ejaculation, and where it comes from, what it does, etc, but know next to nothing about the female counterpart. (For those of you about to argue it doesn’t matter because women’s ejaculation doesn’t contain sperm, I reply to you: How do we know? No one knows. It could be anything. It could be liquid diamonds.)

My friend argued that because female ejaculation isn’t toxic, there’s really no need to study it (I didn’t push the subject, just because that argument is not even worth addressing) and assured me that it was, in fact, hot when a girl did that.

Because I had now verified this sexual activity was indeed “hot,” the time had come for me to become intimate with the Velvet Curve. Was it pleasurable? Why, yes it was. Did it feel kind of weird? Well, yes, because it’s designed to hit your g-spot. But if you’re new to sex toys, I would recommend it above the traditional dildo, which most of the time can double as an assault weapon should anyone break into your bedroom.
And in the moment we’ve all been waiting for….it turns out I am not one of the 50% or 69% of women who can ejaculate, although at times I felt I was close (I’m not actually sure what that would feel like, because I never have, but it felt like something was going to happen). Part of me is disappointed in this news—guys think it’s sexy when girls do that, and I won’t have the pleasure of doing that on a guy after he does it on me. (I realize I’m sick. You would do the same thing, I’m sure.) But another part of me is A-ok with this news—I am pretty lazy, and this news means less cleanup, comparatively, after sex. Also, now that The Velvet Curve and I are friends, it’s just a fun toy to use.

Original Story:   examiner.com

The Deep Spot Orgasm technique is the single best method I have discovered for helping a woman have her first vaginal orgasm.  And I’ve tried more ways than most people know exist.
The Deep Spot Orgasm technique became the stuff of legend when I first started giving men sex advice on how to give women incredible pleasure.

SECRET WEAPON
It was like this underground secret weapon for giving women vaginal orgasms.  Kind of amusing actually, but fact is, this technique is very effective and so word spread through the seduction communities in the early days of the Internet.  (This was way before Neil Strauss mentioned me in his NY Times bestselling book The Game.)
However it made me realize just how much men wanted to learn a nearly foolproof technique for giving a woman a vaginal orgasm.

SEARCHING FOR THE DEEP SPOT
There are about 4500 searches worldwide monthly on Google for information on the Deep Spot every, and it’s one of the most common topics I get questions on from men who have purchased my book Secrets of Female Sexuality and multi-media programs like Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms.
So, recently I decided to make a video to show exactly how to use the Deep Spot Orgasm technique to use as a visual learning aid to make it easy for everyone who wants to use it.  Simple clear instructions as my good friend Mark Cunningham likes to say.

NOT THE G-SPOT
The most common misconception is that the Deep Spot is the same at the G-Spot.  It stems from trying to write about where each one is located.  This is why a video was needed.  It’s the old “picture worth a thousand words” principle.
The Deep Spot is in a very different part of the vagina.  If you’ve played with the G-Spot before, you’ll immediately see the different location of the ’spot’.

THIS IS NOT PORN
It’s important to note this is not pornographic.  The demonstration was done using a foam mock-up of female anatomy, so it’s more like high school biology class.  While maybe not so visually exciting, it’s a better way of demonstrating where the Deep Spot actually is located.

In future articles I’ll go into more detail about why and when to use the Deep Spot, but for now I’ll just leave you with this thought…
65% of female population can’t orgasm in intercourse. Even worse,
between 10% and 15% of all American women have NEVER experienced orgasm! [1]

But ALL healthy women are capable of having orgasms. The problem is, most men don’t have a clue on how to lead a woman to have all the different kinds of mind-blowing orgasms she is capable of having.

The Deep Spot is one such technique you can use.

Original Story:  examiner.com